movie review - the game of their lives

if there's two things i like in this world, it's soccer and "rudy". so when i heard the director of "rudy" was making a soccer movie, i was very interested. by the time the movie came out though, i knew it was going to be bad. the early reviews were awful, the trailer was bad, the release date had been pushed back and back, and it was only being released in a handful of theaters. but i went to it anyway.

first off the trailers

rebound- couldn't have been less funny and more awful if it tried. on my excited to see scale it gets a 1 out of 10

howl's moving castle- i respect hayao miyazaki, but i just can't get into his stories. and this one looks no different. excitement- 3

now on to the game of their lives. it's awful. starting with quite possibly the worst five minutes in movie history, it shows a montage of players exercising at the 2004 mls all-star game to that song that starts with "ya'll ready for this! da da da dum dum da dum dum dum dum. . ." it would have been timely and cool in 93, but not now. then some guy comes up to patrick stewart and delivers the most painfully obvious set up lines imaginable. example.

guy: you were the only american reporter at the 1950 world cup right?

stewart: i would have gone even if i didn't have a business reason.

guy: is it true that nobody thought the americans had a chance?

stewart: you really want me to tell you the whole story?

guy: yeah.

stewart: well, where do i start?

slow dolly in to stewart, music starts, crossfade, title card 1950

it improves from there, but only slightly. all the dialogue is awful, the characters are all cardboard, the actors are all boring, and the soccer action lacks excitement or continuity. all the while there is hallmark card-esque narration from patrick stewart, trying to do a southern accent. even though his character is telling the story, he is rarely seen in the flashback scenes and never does anything important. gavin rossdale is in it, and looks pretty yummy, but delivers his one speech pretty terribly. there is very little i can say that's good about it. maybe nothing.

there is one other aspect worth mentioning. there is one black character in the movie and every time he comes on screen, the score shifts from jerry goldsmith-style uplifting orchestration to bongo drums and african-styled music plays. it was kind of offensive.

game of their lives- d+